(Continued)
You need some water?
I think you need some water for your hair lady, it's really dry.
These aren't cooked enough?
They never asked to be cooked.
This job is very low, but what else can I do?
Everyone else is sheltered. I know I am locked within these walls- and late at night, I return home to my home bedroom apartment- with a living room, and one bathroom.
It has a hall- nice touch.
Shit- that's NOT who I think it is. I went to highschool with her. It's pretty difficult for me to hide.
She's over there, at the booth, laughing with her group of people. Some guys, some girls, but those girls are the unattractive ones that blend in with their pants. So are the guys, but their ugliness isn't as blunt.
This girl is the main mouth- the main smile, the primary eyes. She is laughing, she is 23, I guess she graduated from college.
I bet she has a nice car...... I hope she has three kids, a heroin problem, and a big lump of skin from multiple liposuction attempts.
Wait, I'm still here. And still my life is no more impressive than that scenario.
Can she see me? Can she recognize me.
My stomach is turned upside down, this should not bother me because I have been hiding for so long. Hiding from myself, hiding from people I know. I am ashamed. I don't want to be seen. People look at me all day. But they don't know me!
What is that weird, Oh? Happiness- I press my hands against the glass of that bright house.
Her teeth are shining. She isn't hesistant- they are moving in uninterrupted sequence- they are free flowing.
I can't go back. There is a wall I bump into whenever I try to regress five years.
This new sun is dimmer than the old one....
I am sinking into the worst despair of my existance- but it will take sixty years for entire fulfillment- this one is a long process.
The good thing- I have time to dread it.
The bad- I have slower reflexes to prevent it, and less motivation to change.
Yep. I am one of those people. I am a carved stone for all to witness. I am permanent. Going nowhere.
Allison, she is going somewhere, riding the rainbow, squeezing chapagne out of every drop of life. Squeezing some semen out of it too, and in college, who knows.
I sure want that feeling back. Oh, that centeredness, that feeling that I am the girl, I am the only one who can master these thoughts, these decisions. The most beautiful one of my kind, the first person I think of when I think of me happily. I want to be good, happy and whole.
She's so beautiful. Her nose is sharply indented at the base, displaying the chizeled jewel at the tip. Her teeth are white, and her lips are red, of course. Her body is short, but ornamented with beautifully experienced breasts, voluptious thighs, and a narrow waist.
The light hits them all like a dream.........
They will never stop dreaming- their lives are more intricate than their dreams. Their dreams are simply fistfuls of sand.
My dreams are rollercoasters, beaches, and beautiful restaurants. Exotic restaurants.
I am so inside my horizon I've sucked myself inside my skin.
Hey, that man, he stopped squirming. He's completely distinct and professional now. He is so solid, it aches me with humiliation, since he had been squirmish out of attempted flirtatiousness, and now he has completely withdrew the attempt. Like, she's not worth the effort.
Another one! Another squirming man. Yuck, he's fat and has thick framed glasses. At least 75 pounds overweight, all over the place. Yes, I used to like overweight guys, but only because I had settled for them out of insecurity, but nowadays I'll settle for less than that so I can avoid the extra armor.
Alright, I will serve you fat man, but tip me or else I'm insulting you to the core.
Bye Allison! I am moving on in this world, I am serving fat ass another pound.
"Hello ma'am, what are you serving this morning?"
He says. Cool! He suddenly became at ease the moment I walked up to him, what does that say about me? Not good, but I hope my instincts are wrong.
"Oh- okay, this morning we have toast, eggs, muffins, pancakes, french toast, bagels, cereal, and cheesecake."
"Ah, that all sounds nice. You have good choices. I will go with the muffin, and a bagel."
The fat eat as so little. Sigh- they keep the their half so the thin can pig out- thank you cows. Thanks for eating my desserts, well not eating, storing mainly.
Unsquirmy is all set, cactus is too.... and so is refried pig. Now- fatso, here is your muffin, and here is your bagel- I have given you light cream cheese so you won't bubble up in my restaurant. I know you won't lose weight, but take your pick. You won't go blowing a button- and revealing yourself here. You have me to thank.
Thank me, thank me.
"Thank you."
Well, I mean, it wasn't all my fault. Some scientists.....